shouts of joy

We've had a few days together, the longest time we've had together since before I left for India. When we're together it's as if my worries and fears vanish and life seems to emerge. When we're together he reminds me that there's more to life than what I need or ought to do. I can do what I want to do and it's okay! Let me tell you a little bit about him. He's very smart... infact he skipped 6th grade and continued with a 4.0 gpa. He's adventurous... always creating new and exciting things to do like snowboarding behind the ATV with a ski rope. He believes in me and pushes me out of my comfort zone... this last summer he helped me defeat my fear of backflips on the trampoline. He is very tactful of the needs of others... just saturday in church an older man was sitting alone so he left his seat with friends to join him. He is honest... never afraid to tell me the truth or put me in my place. He is witty and silly... accountable for making me laugh so...

When I was little I remember going through the shopping catalogs after Thanksgiving day and looking for items to put on my Christmas wish list, the list I would send to Santa. I always had one thing that I REALLY wanted, more than all the other things. I remember one Christmas I wrote a letter to Santa and told him that of everything I wrote on my list I only wanted one thing. An older brother. That was it, all I wanted. I remember I would talk as if Santa could hear me when I was alone and try to convince him why I needed an older brother. "Santa, I will always be a good girl if you give me an older brother for Christmas." I even started praying about it at night and begging God to send me a big brother. The night before Christmas is always the same, even to this day. Barely a second of sleep with all the butterflies in my stomach, I waited for Santa to come and bring me the gift I had convinced him I needed, and had prayed for. To my surprise I woke up and ran downstairs. A...

I prefer my friends to call me Tina, but the real name is Kristina "Tina" feels like a big, warm hug. And "Rhuman" is like a slap on the back that says, "Go get 'em sport!" "Big R, little human" makes me chuckle every time. I don't like to make plans, I'd rather have my options open for last minute schemes. I'm very indecisive but I'm learning to be a little more assertive. I don't like conflict and will avoid it at almost all costs... which is a dangerous thing. I sing in the car so loudly that by the time I reach wherever it is I'm going, I no longer have a voice. I wake up early to study but as soon as 7 am hits, I'm too awake to study and can't stop talking. I'm not a big fan of small talk or politics. Deep conversation is a big hit though. I can't watch a movie without thinking about the billions of things I should be doing instead,but I will watch a movie to put myself to sleep. I like stealth. I ...

I said a few blogs ago that I was wandering. I don't think we as humans ever stop. But I wouldn't call it wandering instead I would call it searching. But I think it's good to search, because if we never searched or had that desire for something more we'd never grow. I said that I needed a new vision because my visions have been blurred. But I don't want a vision anymore, because visions are something to look forward to, something to expect for myself, and expectation usually causes pain. Instead I have thought about my vision as a plan of action. I think I have it narrowed down to about three or four plans I want to pursue in life: 1. Take the risk . -- to search, to pursue, to move, to stand up, to speak, to feel, to love, to accept, to open, to change, to enjoy, to BE. Life is a risk, and everyday we have a chance to accept the risk and live to our full potential. We often lay low to see what will happen or to make sure everything is safe and no harm w...

There is a beautiful tea cup that lives in my cupboard and her story is incredible. Her life starts as a little ball of clay. The potter began to form her into some kind of an unknown shape and she says she doesn't remember much, but with his hands the man slowly shaped her into a cup. He then placed her in the kiln so she would harden into her form. She cried when he placed her inside and closed the lid. When the firing was done he pulled her out and began to smooth the bumps and carve out the edgy lines. She continued to cry from the pain of the sanding and carving, begging him to stop and let her be. Instead the potter continued to work on her. After he finished removing the lines and bumps he placed her back in the kiln again. This time it was worse than before. She told the potter she would do anything, and with her gray, dusty body she told him she liked the way she was and didn't want to change. The potter held her and told her that he wasn't finished, but when he wa...

The other day I was talking with a friend who was telling me about this Christian band that was being considered to come to WWU and put on a concert. He was telling me that this band had a list they had sent to the University. A list that entailed everything they would expect WWU to provide for them to make their stay here more comfortable. I asked what things this might include and he mentioned the following: 1. 1 pack of Red Bull for each band member 2. Bottled water (a certain brand) I'm not sure if those were all the items he could remember or if I stopped listening before he could mention any more. Bottled water. REALLY... Bottled water? A specific brand? It's probably Figi water, the stuff that's $5 a bottle. These guys call themselves Christians but they can't drink from the tap with a blessed heart? When there are billions of people who search all day and only find murky, stagnant water, these guys prefer a special kind of water that can only be found at a...

I guess I would call this past weekend a long weekend. It was packed full. For the most part. And when I called my parents at 6:30 on Saturday night my dad took the phone. He said, "Tina, just need to ask you something and I need a direct answer. (long pause)... Are you okay?" "Yeah, why?" I laughed and it wasn't too genuine... "You've called us 5 times this weekend. You haven't called us this many times since your first week at UCA your junior year." I laughed some more. "Yeah, that is pretty funny. No, I'm okay! Thanks though for being concerned." We carried on with our conversation as I asked for all the details regarding their weekend at home with out me. Before the conversation was over my dad pressed the subject further. "Honey, are you sure? I just want you to be happy. Are you happy?" "Yeah, I'm okay. I love you dad, thanks!" Click. I hung up and suddenly felt alone. It was Saturday night, 7:00 and ...