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Showing posts from January, 2014

Grubbiness

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"My understanding of incarnation is that we are not served by getting away from the grubbiness of suffering. Sometimes we feel that we are barely pulling ourselves forward through a tight tunnel on badly scraped-up elbows. But we do come out the other side, exhausted and changed." - A. Lamott
I talked with a student yesterday about suicide. I felt ashamed that I had nothing to say. I felt for the first time that my sense of compassion was scraping desperately at the walls of my inner gut, begging for more power, more wisdom, more understanding, more love. Desperate prayers raced through my head. And I'm not convinced my faith was enough to send them through the roof. 
There's so much grubbiness. More than enough to go around. We talked about conflicts in my classroom worship yesterday morning with the juniors. I had made a comment about how conflict can be good. Then a student asked if I wanted more conflict cause she could share. I was quick to assure her that I had e…

Enough forever

As Sunday should be a time to catch up on grading and lesson planning I fell into the cyber world of blogging instead. As I was mulling through from blog to blog I found a letter written with such sweet peace by Glennon Melton on momastery.com that I'd like to share. 
"If your hands are too full to grab that idea out of the air- let it go. To have your hands full is a ludicrous blessing. So if you must- if you must let go of the urgent to tend to the important then do it, you lucky dog. Let it go- smile and let that idea or opportunity pass onto another sister knowing that more will come. There is always more on its way – more opportunities, more ideas, more love. Think abundance- always think abundance. Belief in abundance is the source of all generosity and peace. Know that there is enough. Know that you are enough. Know that you have enough. Enough time, enough talent, enough love. You can’t miss your boat. It’s yours. It stays docked till you’re ready. The only boat you can…

"If I could only be like Scrooge", she said

She swung the door to my classroom open, as if it were her bedroom and then let it slam behind her. "Hey, can I sit in here and work on things?" Slightly confused by her abrupt, rather authoritative demeanor and immediate action to plop on the futon in the corner, I replied as cool as possible, "Sure." "Also, could I listen to music? Mr. S lets me, so you wouldn't be the only one."  As she began to pull out her phone and ear buds, I quickly reminded her of the school policy that still applies in my classroom: no phones, ipods or other electronic devices to be used on campus without permission. She didn't roll her eyes as far back as I'd seen before, from somewhere she had picked up my vibes and I felt a mutual respect. "Well, I guess I'll just read," was her next response. "Great," I answered, "'cause I just sat down to do some blogging." Since it was my prep period and my heart had been heavy with some pr…

i bet God likes jelly beans too

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The Mountain

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It is unearned love -- the love that goes before, that greets us on the way. It's the help you receive when you have no bright ideas left, when you are empty and desperate and have discovered that your best thinking and most charming charm have failed you. Grace is the light or electricity or juice or breeze that takes you from that isolated place and puts you with others who are as startled and embarrassed and eventually grateful as you are to be there. 
Sometimes grace is like a ribbon of mountain air that gets in through the cracks.
-Anne Lammott

It comes and goes in waves

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If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
 If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
- Brooke Fraser

Loving is Hard

The weeks add up so quickly, still I can still taste the faint molasses stick of others. I can't believe it's been 6 months since I moved to Oregon to teach. I can't believe it's been a month since my last blog post. It's been less than a month since I had breakfast with my girl friends. But I can't believe it's only been a week since I kissed my sister, my best friend, goodbye. It's only been a handful of days since I dropped the man of my dreams off at the airport and had to drive myself home. It's only a been a nights sleep since I felt together we could conquer the world.

When I woke up this morning, just two hours ago, there was a very heavy thing sitting inside of me, pinning me to the mattress. A giant bolder, covered in molasses. And I'd like to offer myself a bit of self-pity, since I have nobody else to pull it from at this moment from where I sit here at my tiny desk in this dark corner. I am alone in this dark corner. Nobody else fee…