Wish List

When I was little I remember going through the shopping catalogs after Thanksgiving day and looking for items to put on my Christmas wish list, the list I would send to Santa. I always had one thing that I REALLY wanted, more than all the other things. I remember one Christmas I wrote a letter to Santa and told him that of everything I wrote on my list I only wanted one thing. An older brother. That was it, all I wanted. I remember I would talk as if Santa could hear me when I was alone and try to convince him why I needed an older brother. "Santa, I will always be a good girl if you give me an older brother for Christmas." I even started praying about it at night and begging God to send me a big brother.

The night before Christmas is always the same, even to this day. Barely a second of sleep with all the butterflies in my stomach, I waited for Santa to come and bring me the gift I had convinced him I needed, and had prayed for. To my surprise I woke up and ran downstairs. A few presents under the tree and none of them big enough for an older brother. After tearing through all the paper and boxes I was disappointed. I didn't get what I wanted, it would have been a perfect addition to my life. I would have been so happy. Why was I denied it?

I'm 20 years old and I still have a list... and there was one thing I REALLY wanted. I've prayed for it for a while and thought I convinced God that it was just what I needed. I thought He knew what was best for me! But after tearing through all the paper and boxes I am disappointed. I didn't get what I wanted, it would have made me so happy! Why was it denied again?

The year after I wished for a big brother, Ben was born. It was like an upgrade from an older brother to a new, baby brother. God knew what He was doing, and He still does. My requests aren't being denied, they're just being upgraded.