shouts of joy

It's almost 5 o'clock. The light is still there. From where I sit at a table covered in books I can still see the gold leaves on a tree. My mind is mush from reading and philosophizing and reading and philosophizing and reading and writing an email that I'll never send full of philosophizing ... But only one week left of light at 5 o'clock. So I'm leaving the library now.

"HALT before you enter."  Today in Classroom Management we talked about a method called HALTing.  Don't enter the classroom if you are: H ungry A ngry L onely T ired My 9th grade Bible class, always so much enthusiasm!  I feel like this could and should apply in all parts of my daily life, not just the classroom.

It's funny how a long ago lived memory can come rushing back with all the same emotion and hit like a ton of bricks. I have a friend who is spending the year as a missionary in India and she wrote a blog recently about that homesick, lonely, miserable-ness. I remember pretending that I loved my year teaching in India, I told myself I loved it, too. But I remember after a couple months of suppressing those feelings, one day after class I went to my room and bawled until my eyes were dry and my voice was hoarse. I've never felt so alone before in my life. Just the memory is enough to make my body ache, and my eyes water. I think loneliness has become my biggest fear since I was in India. There's no fix for something like that. Even last year when I lived in a house by myself, I would stay busy as long as I could and tell myself I loved having a house to myself. But it's funny how time breaks us down. We can't stay strong forever. I've always been good at ...

Flip a penny with hopes high To catch just a glimpse of Mr. Abe's head Cause, "If a penny is heads up, it brings good luck" But flipping a coin is only 50/50 We know which side is good and which side is bad Half the time you're lucky, the other half ...  You're wishing you'd never fumbled through all that extra change So, maybe better to toss it in a dark room Then, when it lands, it's not about the head or the luck But the fact that you found it, then tossed it high Trust that the coin did indeed flip And never turn on the light Cause either way, it's still a penny

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. - Helen Keller  My Philosophy of Education Professor: "You know what I like about you, Tina?"  Me: Yikes, I have it coming to me now.   Her: "You are so transparent and so open when you share. Thank you." My first reaction was quite overwhelming, What? Transparent? Who's got the bricks to patch up the holes?! As I processed her remark for the rest of the day, I awarded myself later that evening for doing something I've never been too good at. But what had I said that made me seem so transparent to her? We had read about Hildegard of Bingen for our discussion in class. She grew up the tenth child in her family, with a simple, rather poor education and moved into a convent at adolescence. When the Abbess passed aw...

I'm not a fan of movies, but we were talking about fairy tales this weekend during our looooong drive from Walla Walla to Leavenworth for a girls weekend, and to star in a movie filmed in downtown Wenatchee,  but mostly for our friends' wedding. I was talking with my friend, an Elementary Education teacher, about teaching and fun stuff like that. I was telling her about a school I want to start up "someday" and how I plan on going about it all. "I'm excited," I told her. "I feel like I have this determined energy that came from nowhere. I'm ready to grab life by the reigns and whip it into shape. I've got this plan and I wanna do this!" Then she laughed and told me that I sound like a heroine in a fairy tale. "It's like the climax," she said. "All the viewers are sitting on the edge of their seats, Tina, waiting for the next scene to take place." Ha! I laughed with her. Funny, that life might be like a fair...

I'm not every woman It's not all in me I'm proud and guarded When it comes to my needs Try to keep the whole thing rollin Try to keep an on time train This frenetic fascination's really driving me insane Anybody feel that? Anybody feel that? Anybody feel that? What God meant by 'woman' I'm hard pressed to find I'm chasing paper trains In guilt undefined Fighting to stay younger Trying to stay thin and in control Searching for a magic formula A thing to soothe our souls Wondering where the peace went Wondering where the peace went Wondering where the peace went     I am finite I come to an end I am finite I cannot pretend I am finite ~ Sara Groves "Finite"

Is there a word for when you win tug of war, When the weight finally gives And all the extra rope comes hurdling towards you How even though you've just won You still wind up with muddy knees and burns on your hands? Is there a word for that? I wish there was.

This weekend I was the speaker for an extreme pathfinder biking trip. We biked all day Sabbath, around Walla Walla in the morning and after lunch headed to the Blue Mountains. At the top of the ridge, all forty of us lined up for a jumping picture. As we stood there looking off the edge into a valley, we saw elk lined up along a distant ridge. Incredible! We biked through the mud and the snow, howled over jumps, jammed over logs, got dehydrated, and had a few flats and a couple broken chains, but nothing serious. I asked my good, good, best friend Emily if she would keep me company on this crazy trip. I agreed to speak for the trip ignoring the fact that I hadn't been at the top of my game lately (who was I kidding? God knows), and Emily was AWESOME and drove all the way from Spokane to come with me. We made some SUPER cool friends, met some awesome ENERGETIC kids, saw the most BEAUTIFUL places in Washington, Oregon, and Idaho. I felt like I was in a different country......

This morning I woke up to another rainy, gray morning, which aren't the best of mornings to wake up to when you go to bed feeling a little under the weather anyways, but at 5 am I read 112 pages under my headlamp for my Philosophy of Education and Language Development classes. Last night, I spent too little time busting out my personal philosophy of education and spent most of the day thinking about what I'll add to my next one. I went to the Graduate Fair for ten minutes today in between work and class, although I didn't see a program that jumped out at me, I am passionate about pursuing something more. I got to talking with my good friend Jacqueline today about my options ... I've almost finished the book A Chance to Make History by Wendy Kopp, CEO and founder of Teach For America (a national teachers corp that hires recent graduates to teach in low-income communities). Incredibly inspiring. I told Jacqueline today, "I'm not even sure I want to waste my tim...

Hand, knee, shoulder in a hammock over water?  ... So HC! HC is an acronym I made up. Short for Hard Core. I want to be Hard Core. Maybe that's why I rock climb, or leave body prints, or go to India and get malaria, why I wanna join the Peace Corps, teach in an underdeveloped country, and ride trains in sleeper class. I admire people who are HC, want to visit HC places, and do HC activities. This quote from the sermon on Sabbath gave me another sip of what HC is. Especially, if I can be HC for my GOD. Bam! I wanna be HC for Him like this .... Hard Core (HC) Commitment - taken from an African Martyr “I’m part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made – I’m a disciple of His. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I’m finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees,...