Sell it!

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It's funny how a long ago lived memory can come rushing back with all the same emotion and hit like a ton of bricks. I have a friend who is spending the year as a missionary in India and she wrote a blog recently about that homesick, lonely, miserable-ness. I remember pretending that I loved my year teaching in India, I told myself I loved it, too. But I remember after a couple months of suppressing those feelings, one day after class I went to my room and bawled until my eyes were dry and my voice was hoarse. I've never felt so alone before in my life. Just the memory is enough to make my body ache, and my eyes water. I think loneliness has become my biggest fear since I was in India. There's no fix for something like that. Even last year when I lived in a house by myself, I would stay busy as long as I could and tell myself I loved having a house to myself. But it's funny how time breaks us down. We can't stay strong forever. I've always been good at self-persuassion, I am strong, I am happy, I am sure, I am free, I am fine on my own... blah, blah, blah. Like I should be a saleswoman or something. Ha! The crazy thing is that during those times, I pray the most, but still feel the most rejected. It's hard to feel like any good can come from those times, but stay faithful friends, I do know that it's all part of a bigger plan. Plus, heaven will be all the more awesome when we get there and never feel pain again. Only joy! 

Shouts of JOY!

Comments

  1. EMILY STAROctober 26, 2011 at 12:45 AM

    Lonely--I want to make sure I do things that help people not feel lonely. Also, I just started a book, and I actually think we should read it at the same time--I want someone to talk about it with! It's by Eve Ensler, called Insecure at Last...look it up--she goes all over the world and meets with oppressed women. That was a horrible summary, but the book is EXcellent.

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