Those days...
"How near to good is what is WILD!"
- Thoreau
Over the past several years, as I've grown into this feminine figure, I've pulled myself away from good things. Some mornings, I look in the mirror and feel guilty for not looking like the girl on the magazine, What's wrong with you? You need to exercise more. Or when I'm sitting in class and I don't understand what everyone else understands, Ah, you're so dumb. I'm critical, super critical of myself. Plus, I'm a sucker for guilt. Vacation me with guilt and you're guaranteed to get your way. Some days I don't even want to leave my house and if I have to... please, maybe nobody will see me today. Today I was reflecting on the days before this was a problem. The days when I would cry, not because of my lack in looks, brains or style, but because the boys wouldn't let a girl play football. The days when dad would get home from work and I'd run out to his truck in my flowered spandex and neon pink striped shirt to show him my latest wardrobe concoction. The days when I'd sneak a handful of cookie dough from the bowl the moment mom turned her back. Or when my room was 2 ft. deep in clothes after changing outfits at least 5 times a day because I loved everything I wore and wanted everyone to see. The days when I stood on the toy box singing into a brush and dancing to Shania Twain. And the days when I wore my swimsuit to run through the sprinklers then dried off with a rollerblade trip around the block. Those days, when I was confident, optimistic, passionate and WILD. Boy, how I wish those days were near.
They can be! Let's be little girls together again...it is good for our souls.
ReplyDeleteTeens. I hear you. Just for the record though... I think you're absolutely beautiful and smart. And YOU .... which is my absolute favorite part.
ReplyDeleteHere are a few Walden quotes that resonated with me through my reading of Walden and upon reflection of your blog, thought they might in some way fit. Wildness, what a precious treasure that too few people ever seek!
ReplyDeleteWalden Quotes:
P. 72 "We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aides, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor."
p.122 "A man sits as many risks as he runs.
p.166 "Grow wild according to thy nature..."
p.166 "We should come home from far, from adventures, and perils, and discoveries every day, with new experience and character."
p.173 "The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little star-dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched."
You are so beautiful. I hope you can see yourself as we all see you... a carefree, beautiful, confident girl/woman!
ReplyDeleteTina I love this!! Talking with you about this a couple days ago made me laugh so hard. Man I love those days. Please can we talk about this again sometime. And this spring. Lets get in our swimsuits run through the sprinklers and dry off with rollerblades! That was the best. deal? love you
ReplyDeleteI remember this day--I remember feeling pretty crappy inside, but at the same time, deciding to let go of the crap and feel a little wild--and then we drove to spokane. :) Love it.
ReplyDelete