shouts of joy

Even though it's loud right now, I love that outside these windows it's quiet and peaceful. It's so still and inviting. So adventurous and promising. These experiences are so close, just on the other side of the clear glass. I could stare out of them all day. But I'm dying to open them up and breath in the refreshing air. I'd like to do that. What do you say window? 

Tonight I'm wearing my India pants. Not the fabricated pants like the ones in this picture. But the ones that wear on my emotions. The decisions to put them on or take them off have never been mine, although I like to think they are. But indeed, it was my decision to purchase them for a high price of 8 months. The pants love solitude and hate crowds, love adventure and hate commitments, love understanding and hate assumption. Yes and no. Back and forth. On an off. I never thought putting on and off pants could be so darn draining.

Facts: *For every credit hour a student should study 3 to 4 hours outside of class. So for 17 credits that's 51-68 hours. *Students can't live on school alone. Hello... we need to put food in our bellies and pay the gas bill. So, gotta work (give or take) 15-25 hours, on top of that, per week. *To retain focus and energy one should exercise 30-60 minutes a day and get 8 hours of sleep. Calculation: 74.5-102 hours per week agenda/career/commitment that makes me a stressed out student. This calculation does not include 1-3 hours of socializing time, alone time, prayer time, hobby time, or all the extra responsibilities like grocery shopping, vehicle repairs, meetings with professors/advisors and definitely not contemplation or reflection. Whew! I have a stomach ache just thinking about it all. I've been praying a lot the past 7 days now. Every morning and for another 33 days to make it through the 40 day challenge of my deliberate commitment to God. It's hard to f...

i'm hooked. i've only had a week and a half of my precalc class, but i'm lovin it. it's not too difficult. yet. but there's that curiosity and anticipation that comes with every attempt to solve each problem. will it work this time? when it's wrong ya just gotta dig into it more. ya can't stop. like it's addicting or something. it's frustrating. but worth it. because when it's right - there's a little celebration inside me every time. yah, yah, i got it right. yah, yah, i can do anything. i used to wish i got everything right the first time. before precalc. but if everything was always right we'd never dig for more. we'd never have that curiosity and anticipation. or that little celebration inside when things do work out.

It's the pain during the run that makes the victory so stinkin awesome! 

It's found in her core of love,  and the soul of his death. It can't escape the limp body on the bed either. Every eye fills with it. It's the spear laced to the end of every raged word. Even time can't hide from it.  The courage is rapidly dissipating in it's presence.  If only there were a mighty shield for the fear.  Then, maybe, the hollow bodies wouldn't crumble in it.