I'm perplexed by the emotions that love brings. As a feeler of emotion, I feel each one, each feeling that love has shared with me including the feelings that I feel like I should feel, but don't. You know what I mean?
I heard a sermon yesterday on the story of the Prodigal sons.
Let me start by defining for you Prodigal.
Prodigal: Profuse, wasteful, reckless expenditure of money or time
So we look at the story of the prodigal sons. One took his money from his father and spent it profusely, wastefully, and recklessly. He left his father, milking his father of all his inheritance, without a care in the world. He expended his entire inheritance on what he thought would bring him joy, happiness, love.
At the same time, the other brother stayed with his father obeying the commandments requiring him to do good, be good, obey, and respect in order to be grated an inheritance when the time has come. This brother was staying with the father in order to receive his fair share of the inheritance when the time came. Waiting, waiting, waiting, expending his time waiting for the death of his father.
So who is wrong? Who is more wrong? Who loved the Father?
As I work on grading this stack of assignments that cover my desk I am thinking about how unfair it is. How unfair this thing called life is. That I would do more than is expected of me and get no recognition, and others do very little and get all the recognition. I wait for a welcome home party where my father runs down the road to greet me saying, "Prepare a feast, my daughter is home, take my robe and come eat!" Instead I see others getting the feast, others being given the road.
So I'm here what am I a prodigal of? Time? Money? Am I wasting my life waiting for my reward?
It breaks my heart that I might be ignoring the heart of my Father, who lost His son because His son saw the pain that His Father suffered and did something about it. Will I be a daughter who wastes my time waiting for the Father to save me? Or will I be the daughter that seeks my Father's heart to know and understand His pain and do something about it?
I hope that I will be the latter. Instead of wasting my time and money waiting for my Father to notice me I want to notice Him and those who He loves so much that He let His son die on a cross for us.
I want to make a banner for my classroom that hung in my classroom in 10th grade that said:
The most He could do was die for us. The least we can do is live for Him.
I'm not sure how love has changed me. It's something I need to think more about, but I know that love is doing a work on me. I want to love. I want to love more. I want love to win every time. "Let love be your only debt." Romans 13:8