shouts of joy

--> This morning I drove toward the sun like a moth flies toward the lamp. I was reminded how gently the sun comes out everyday, so slow and patient. I lifted my hands up as I sang a song that has been my theme song lately, Brokenness Aside by All Sons and Daughters (if you haven't heard it, just Youtube it real quick). My word for the week is Gentle. I’ve challenged the young ladies in our Friday lunch book club to choose 1 word every week. 1 word in which we independently attempt to become more of every day. 1 word that might be challenging to put on every morning, but might add a sparkle to our wardrobe. They choose such hard words every week – Vulnerable, Inviting, Engage. The experiences they share when we meet every Friday are so fun. I’ve been so inspired by them. As the weeks begin their own dwindling spiral to a cliff’s edge, I have begun dwindling toward the edge of insanity. My mind cannot stop, I wake up at night recalculating the 1 million and 2 thing...

There are so many words that I wish I could grab as they swarm inside my head, I'd grab them and string them together in a long line that means something. Time and Change, but not a time change. On second thought, maybe so: time change. Peace and Waste, but not wasted peace. But maybe peaceful waste. Angry and Gracious. Strong and Broken.  Still and Fight. Trust and too Damn Naive.  Failure and Contented. Afraid and Excited.  Traitor and Faithful. Independent and Attached.  Equal and Jealous. Concerned and Allowing. Bravery and Coward. Timeless and Free.  As if twenty-five were numbers on a timed bomb I have feared.   Yet, for the first time in nearly a year my heart knows only to trust the unseen. The cracks are there and water will always slip through them.  There are thirsty leaves whose roots need only but a drop.  And so I will move wherever there is thirst because I have cracks.  And inside there is enough to share and it keeps fi...

January, February, March the months keep flipping past and every time I reluctantly tear off the weeks at the perforation. They go before we have a chance to become acquainted. I tear off each sheet fold it and slide it into the bottom left hand drawer. I suppose I save them hoping for permission to bring them back to life again and make things right. Although they're marked with mistakes, lies, sleepless nights, and brokenness the knowledge that  they're neatly folded and filling up the empty space in that black drawer at my own convenience is grotesquely comforting. It's comforting to have it all there to remind me that we weren't created for that. What we were created for we have yet to experience.  April and May will be filled with boxes, packing, and a house search. 24 will go out with a bang and my life will have a slightly different value. After June the perforated calendar will be put away. Maybe the next one will be a daily planner, because all we can plan for ...

With a thorn in my flesh I pleaded for God to take it away. But He said to me,  "My grace is sufficient for you." "For me?" I asked. "But you don't know THIS suffering. I'm not strong enough." "My power is made perfect in your weakness. Please trust Me." So, I shall boast more gladly in my weakness and His power will rest on me. For when I am weak, then I am truly strong.  I heard... In Your never failing love You work everything for good  God, whatever comes my way  I will trust You All my fears All my dreams  They're held in your hands So whatever comes my way I will trust you Heal my heart and make it clean Open my eyes to the things unseen Show me how to love like you have loved me.  Break my heart for what breaks yours Everything I am for your Kingdoms cause As I walk from earth into eternity