Windows and doors

If God closes a door and a window, maybe it's time to build a new house. 

As I listened to Pastor Randy Roberts Sabbath morning live on my friends' TV one of the first quotes he shared was that. And I joined the live-streamed congregation with a chuckle. What's the original? If God closes a door He will open a window? Or If God closes a door stop banging on it? I've never thought that maybe it's time to stop looking for another way out, or stop moaning about it, but maybe just to knock it all down and start over. It's a rather refreshing idea. I do enjoy myself a good demolition. Maybe when we continue to run into obstacle after obstacle we just need to knock them down and start over. I like that.

He said something else this morning, "The walls of obstacles weren't made to keep you out, they were made to keep the others out, the others who don't really want what's on the other side. But the brick wall won't stop you."

The brick wall has stopped me too many times before. I've never thought about demolishing it, I guess I've always just assumed that when God closes one door, He'll surely open a window (or something like that) or maybe we just wait patiently.

There's this thing that I'm really good at. Maybe I should start advertising it more in my resumés and cover letters. But I'm excellent at being a people-pleaser. Probably too good at it actually. I know when to say something in an awkward conversation to ease the tension, when to use humor, or when to use compassion. At least for the most part. I've been gifted with the ability to read a situation and mask my own feelings to relate to or fit the needs of those around me. It's a bittersweet kind of gift.

I learn more and more about myself with every passing day, and recently I'm learning that I am afraid of being me. Because what if nobody likes me. What if the things I say or do make people angry, disappointed, upset, and what if I hurt them? It's been quite the mental battle to decide whether or not I am strong enough to fight those consequences of being a non-people pleaser. When I know someone is upset or angry with me, I melt. I fall apart and crash onto the floor in tears and feel so responsible, so helpless. Why would I ever be the true me?

Everyday I try to remember to pray for one thing. I ask the Holy Spirit to live in me that day, and give me strength for that day. And that's all I need, for one day. I'm learning that I own nothing except what is given to me for today. Nothing in this world is mine. It's not about myself, them, him or her. It's about Him. Because without Him I'm nothing. It all sounds so cliché but remove Him and what is our purpose? 

As a people-pleaser I'd like all the doors and windows to open and align with the people whose affirmation and approval seem so important to me. It will never happen. But I pray that my compassion will always happen especially when I tear down the house to rebuild another one with new windows and doors. May those who have helped me build what is now infront of the bulldozer understand that this is not my home nor theirs, we're promised something much greater far, far away. But for today all we need to focus on is what or maybe who we want that's behind the walls and whether we're demolishing to rebuild or fighting to climb to the top.