Under the Bed

I have a twin bed in my room now since my sister moved in and we share the small room, it can barely fit the two of us. I do appreciate her company even though sometimes it's a little crowded. I have a queen sized comforter over the top of my twin bed and it drapes down all the way to the floor allowing for a conveniently, secretive storage area underneath. With 1-2 hours of personal time between 7am and 7:30 pm every day, the easiest way to keep a clean house is to shove what is "out there" to "under there." I like a clean house, when things are in disarray I'm annoyed, irritated, angry or anxious even. But instead of validating my first and foremost response, I nullify what I'm thinking, "yeah it makes me mad, but ... I can easily pile it under the bed, then it's fine" or "I wanna fix this now and get it out of the way, but nobody cares, I'm the only one, just shove it under there" or "Today my computer crashed and I lost everything, but no big deal, I probably didn't need it anyways. Here ya go bed!" And so it goes ...

Today I left an 80 minute class for a "bathroom break" to get some pizza that my friend Justin kindly brought to me. (Boy, am I a rebel. So HC!) I sat down and we talked while we ate out in the lobby. "Justin, I'm not sure what I am. (referring to my political view) I'm just not sure it really matters. I want to care and share my voice, but no one's going to listen. I can't make that big of a difference." We talked for longer than a "bathroom break," but what I learned in that short time was much more applicable than my 80 minute class. What Justin shared with me was valid. He's right, I probably will never be able to make a huge difference, but on a smaller scale, I can do the best I can. Know what I believe, stand up for that, and that impact alone can be enough to make a difference. By nullifying MY rationale, there's no need for that voice of passion. Just shove it under the bed. But nobody likes to look under the bed and see a bunch of old, useless crap. Let's take care of it now. I'll throw it out the window if it makes me angry. I'll love it till it falls apart. Or talk about it till my voice is gone. Maybe this should be a warning, I think there might be some serious house cleaning tomorrow afternoon.