Enough

A few years ago I was told about a group of students from the University, the CC and Whitman who had formed an organized group called Network for Young Walla Walla. A few people I knew, who I highly respected and admired, were quite involved and encouraged me to come to the weekend gathering at the CC. They met for dinner friday with a short introduction, discussion groups Saturday, and group sharing on Sunday. The goal was to rally students from the surrounding colleges who care about their city, want to get involved and make a positive impact in the community, whether it be through education, environmental issues, city council meetings, public transportation - the hot topic at the time. I remember accidentally finding myself in a discussion group for political involvement in the community. The conversations in the small room were far above me. My brain was hurting from scrambling to find definitions for their language. I remember feeling so stupid. So naive. A lack of class. Uneducated. Not only were these people extremely intelligent and sophisticated, they were older than me, more beautiful and handsome than me,  more everything that I wanted to be, or needed to be. I felt so useless. It makes me shiver thinking about how afraid and ashamed I was.

I just finished my second book this week, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. An inspiring book to discover one's true self. Brené has spent years researching shame and belonging, along with several other emotions linked to wholehearted living. In her book Brown likes to give words her own definition, and she defines Authenticity like this: "the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means:
- Cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable
- Exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle
- Nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough
- Wholehearted living and loving-even when it's hard, even when we're wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we're afraid to let ourselves feel it"

I had forgotten about that shameful weekend. I look back now, I would like to go back in time and tell my younger and more afraid self to not be so afraid. And I would tell her to ask questions. To be interested in the conversations. To learn more. To count her own talents and areas of intelligence. Crack a few jokes. Pull an apple out of her bag and chomp away if she's hungry. Don't worry about class, age, intelligence, or poise. Instead live wholeheartedly, with joy so intensely. Because that is really what everyone wants.