The impossible
It's funny... I have found that the things I desire most in life are the things that are unattainable and just out of my reach.
I tutor two days a week after school and there's one boy who just really ruffles my feathers. On Wednesday he sat at a table for one hour and didn't do a single problem on his pre-algebra math paper. I tried everything. He would sing. I would take away a recess. He would get up and distract another boy. I would pick up his things and move him to a secluded place. He would chatter loudly to himself. I would give him lunch detention. Really? At the end of the hour I was exhausted and fuming. I don't think I've been so frustrated in such a long time. And I think he was quite aggravated with me as well. The crazy thing is... when I get in my car to leave I look back on my hour with him and laugh. This irritating kid is by far one of my favorites.
When I was in India I had a student who sat in the back, which is trouble from the beginning. He carved into his desk. I threatened to make him sand all the desks. He distracted his friends. I threatened to give more homework. He would cheat. I would send him to the principal. I would walk home with anger, but when I closed the door to my house I would look back at the day and laugh. This kid, who had so many times rubbed me the wrong way was my all time favorite, and the days he wouldn't come to class I was disappointed.
Tonight I was climbing with Em and on our last climb for the night was a 4 ft. overhang. As I was climbing I hit a spot that seemed nearly impossible for my skill level. The overhang had no foothold to reach out, up and over. I threw my foot up high, out over the edge and had no hand hold. People were watching, I couldn't let go. I had to do it, even though it was impossible for my skill level. Em pulled the rope a little tighter allowing me to reach higher for the final hand hold that pulled me up and out of the overhang.
Why am I drawn to these difficult kids, situations, goals? I'm irritated with the impossible but I can't let it go. It's as if I enjoy the fight for the impossible. But I've learned that somethings need to be left, because there are better, more worth my while, "unattainable" situations to fight for. I presumed I would never be able to give up on any "impossible" situation, but I was wrong. Not that I'm giving up, but finally moving onto the next goal. Another goal that will seem unattainable, just out of my reach, but something worth my time and something I enjoy. That's where I'm headed!
I tutor two days a week after school and there's one boy who just really ruffles my feathers. On Wednesday he sat at a table for one hour and didn't do a single problem on his pre-algebra math paper. I tried everything. He would sing. I would take away a recess. He would get up and distract another boy. I would pick up his things and move him to a secluded place. He would chatter loudly to himself. I would give him lunch detention. Really? At the end of the hour I was exhausted and fuming. I don't think I've been so frustrated in such a long time. And I think he was quite aggravated with me as well. The crazy thing is... when I get in my car to leave I look back on my hour with him and laugh. This irritating kid is by far one of my favorites.
When I was in India I had a student who sat in the back, which is trouble from the beginning. He carved into his desk. I threatened to make him sand all the desks. He distracted his friends. I threatened to give more homework. He would cheat. I would send him to the principal. I would walk home with anger, but when I closed the door to my house I would look back at the day and laugh. This kid, who had so many times rubbed me the wrong way was my all time favorite, and the days he wouldn't come to class I was disappointed.
Tonight I was climbing with Em and on our last climb for the night was a 4 ft. overhang. As I was climbing I hit a spot that seemed nearly impossible for my skill level. The overhang had no foothold to reach out, up and over. I threw my foot up high, out over the edge and had no hand hold. People were watching, I couldn't let go. I had to do it, even though it was impossible for my skill level. Em pulled the rope a little tighter allowing me to reach higher for the final hand hold that pulled me up and out of the overhang.
Why am I drawn to these difficult kids, situations, goals? I'm irritated with the impossible but I can't let it go. It's as if I enjoy the fight for the impossible. But I've learned that somethings need to be left, because there are better, more worth my while, "unattainable" situations to fight for. I presumed I would never be able to give up on any "impossible" situation, but I was wrong. Not that I'm giving up, but finally moving onto the next goal. Another goal that will seem unattainable, just out of my reach, but something worth my time and something I enjoy. That's where I'm headed!
You are just like a movie hero. In screenwriting, in the best stories anyway, the hero tries for something that seems hopeless. Or impossible. But then they do it anyway. You are like that. You are a hero.
ReplyDeleteAnd to go along with Nick's comment. You should (maybe even have to) read Donald Miller's new book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years". It will rock your world. And make you understand a lot of things. Miss you friend.
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