shouts of joy

I spend a lot of time in the car down here in this over-populated SoCal area. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. It can be rather peaceful with the windows rolled up and everyone blocked out for some quiet time. However, I'm learning that although I'd prefer to have quiet time in a more beautiful setting than my car and as much as I enjoy my quiet time, it is possible for so much quiet time to be a poor use of time for my emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. It's easy to analyze too much, to add up all the little things and make them a bigger deal, or even wish things were different, to be jealous or calculate defeat. It doesn't always contribute to my positivity, sitting in the car for so many hours a day deep in my own thoughts. But I'm also learning that there are some Christian songs that really speak to me and get me excited and hopeful, I play them on repeat in the car and I sing along and dance along. I get excited with this new song by L...

It's an overcast day in the Inland Empire. I'm drinking coffee at a local shop and beginning my work on finals for my last quarter. I'll be graduating in June as Kristina R. Rhuman M.A. As I use this weather to do what it calls me to do - contemplate - my arms are sore as I type from the spin class I went to this morning, strange it's my arms and not my legs. I excepted to see my friends, but saw no familiar faces. But it didn't bother me much, because I know those faces aren't far away. If I call they will come. And that is more than enough. I've lived here in the IE for 9 months now. My skin is sun-tinted and my freckles are loud. My hair is longer and sun bleached from the days spent at the beach. When I think about turning 26 next month I feel determined and scared. Even worse is my thoughts on June, where will I go when my student loans are no longer deferred and Cambodia calls me to come home.The past 9 months have gone by too fast. I'd like 10 ...

A stranger, except for his stance and eyes reflecting in my rear view mirror red, blue and white flashing lights, a beating in my chest and there were so many red flags.  A sight so faint, familiar in a dream still reality in my veins recirculating like used library books ancient and neglected  a system of routine We're kids hide-n-seeking for fun love waiting for that affirmedness who will ride a roller coaster  over every bump in the seat eating pop rocks that make us laugh But we're adults trying to fit the mold desiring complexity, mystery, proficiency selfish promises and so many words explaining nothing and something with mere hope for approval One glance at a stranger  clear eyes of promises broken uncertain his stance   fixed in a rearview mirror  is enough. 

We don't need a reason to pause and reflect on our humanness. Yet, maybe we do. Because it is important. If we're not searching our hearts and cleaning out the dust how will we see out the window? Or invite someone in for a cup of tea? I'm aware that as a society, we function by means of techlations (a term I've invented for relationships in the form of technology). We can't possibly sit in silence for 30 seconds while we wait for a prescription to be filled, no, instead we are building stronger techlations through hundreds of social media opportunities. Might as well move to a hot-spot cave where we can focus on our techlations and not feel so burdened by external (real-life) relations. In fact, my heart is heavy because I'm not sure what happened to real-life relations. I'm not sure why I can't find a face to engage when walking through the grocery store. I'm saddened when I see parents on their phones while their kids run unruly and seemingly unsu...

Faults, fears, ignorances, betrayals, selfish pleasures, anxieties, transgressions and the list is inescapable ... ... what if, for just a moment, we dismissed those minimalistic thoughts and return to the much grander Truth, that we are but a small gap in the whole, however we have the ability to fill our gap with a Light, revealing the Eternal Truth. So we go with our own consecrated efforts to do just that. There is no right or wrong efforts, because the Light that we have grown to love will show us the Way to Truth and Life. Lord, hear my prayer, in this season that has become more about me than You. My heart is heavy. Remind me of my smallness in flesh, and of Your grandness anchored within me. Daily You are present and I have never been abandoned, even when I cried out for relationship. Thank You for never leaving. You have called me to prepare the way and promise to love and comfort me, renewing my strength when I am weak. Again and again You have proven that to me when I...

I'm afraid of losing a good thing, until I remember the days before. I forget that nothing was ever mine and each good thing truly is a big present wrapped up with ribbons and attached to it a note that says, "I love you, my daughter." I too often, take for granted those gifts. With each step along this journey there have been gifts, some small, some huge, and some I misinterpret all together.  Today, in this commonly warm inland empire it rained under dark, heavy clouds, drawing me back to my Western Oregon root. This week I'll be leaving this sunny state, where I've received blessing after blessing with my hands wide open, desperately reaching out. I hadn't expected so many good things at one time. I hadn't expected that it would become commonplace here in this big sunny state. The last thing I had expected was to fall in love with this smoggy, crowded, hot hell of a place. Love is a thing for the strong. Macrina Wiederkehr writes: Giving yo...

It's been a while. I suppose I've been distracted, light, happy, warm, and many of those good things that came with that California sunshine and my pantry-bedroom in June. It seems like fall has been over-nighted to this little town as I awoke to fog, and the sight of dried leaves outside my window that crunched as I walked to my car. Not only does it look like fall, but somewhere inside I can feel that fall is here.  This afternoon faded quickly into evening as I sat on the couch peering out our cheap vinyl shades in between chapters of Childhood in World History in attempt to finish the book in time for my favorite class that meets tomorrow afternoon. As I look up to see the sun disappearing I can smell dinner boiling on the stove. Saffron rice will be the dish for the evening since studying can't happen without some kind of kitchen concoction, er, distraction. I know I need to get up and check on it, perhaps stir it to see that the bottom hasn't burned, but there...